


Nothing

by MissLuci



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25182751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissLuci/pseuds/MissLuci
Summary: "Rest in Peace" wasn’t the first time Spike sang to Buffy.After rescuing Dawn from her Halloween vampire date and seeing her sister safely home, Buffy wandered around until she found herself at the edge of town in front of a new bar which had opened up a month before.Missing Scene set at the end of "All The Way"
Relationships: Spike/Buffy Summers
Kudos: 14





	Nothing

_I don’t have feelings for Spike! I feel nothing!_ Buffy yelled at herself as she stomped down the road. She wasn’t even sure where she was going, she just needed to go. She hoped the rest of Halloween night would be uneventful. After she’d made sure Dawn was safely home with Willow and Tara she realized she was too jumpy to sleep. The look she’d shared with Spike was… it was just… Buffy growled and kicked a fallen limb out of her path. A hoarse screech came from the bushes where the stick landed.

Buffy immediately crouched into a defensive stance, ready to take on whatever demon she’d disrupted. A small scruffy, grey ball of fur jumped out in front of her.

“Oops! Sorry, kitty.” Buffy apologized to the cat who was now hissing at her. It yowled indignantly before racing off into the night. Buffy watched until it disappeared into the shadows. She realized she’d walked to the edge of town. 

A dim glow emanated from the front of a small rectangular building in front of her. The new bar had opened up a few weeks ago. It wasn’t a dance club like the Bronze, or a demon bar like Willie’s. It was just a regular small-town pub. Her feet directed her towards the front of the establishment.

There were about fifteen cars scattered throughout the gravel lot. The placard identified it as Sam and Dean’s Place. The words — All who seek peace are welcome here — were scripted in smaller letters under the name. The sign was illuminated by a few low-wattage flood lights. Soft piano music drifted into the night from a partially open window next to the entrance. She pushed open the heavy wooden door and glanced around. A few couples were sitting at tables, talking quietly. A group of guys were playing pool at the table on the far right side. A beautiful oak bar was to her left. It was lined with bottles of liquid in warm colors ranging from light amber to a dark rusty red. A few beer taps advertised the usual brands. She wondered if this bar served blood like Willie’s. Probably not. But it WAS the Hellmouth. Buffy made a mental note to talk to the bartender about protection spells. The bartender had soft brown eyes. His nose was a bit crooked, as if it might have been broken in his youth. He was in his mid-forties, of average height with a slender build. His quiet demeanor and easy smile put Buffy at ease. 

“Can I have a Diet Coke and a water, please?” Buffy asked as she stepped towards him.

“Of course. My name is Sam.” He wiped his hands on a bar towel and extended one towards her.

“Nice to meet you, Sam. My name is Buffy.”

“Interesting name.” Sam grinned as he took her hand in his.

“Yeah, my mom was kind of a hippie. She named me after the singer Buffy Sainte-Marie.”

“Ah, a warrior of her people. Good choice.” 

“It was more fitting than she knew.” Buffy muttered under her breath.

“What’s that?” Sam leaned forward to hear her response. 

“Nothing... Hey, Sam, um… when you decided to open a bar here in Sunnydale, did you happen to notice anything… unusual about some of the people?”

“Oh, you mean because it’s on a Hellmouth? My brother and I have seen some things in our lifetime. We can handle more than most.” 

“Okay. I just wanted to make sure you were safe out here.” She debated telling Sam she was the Slayer but decided it would take too long to explain.

Sam looked down and wiped at a nonexistent spot on the bartop before looking back up at Buffy. “Did you see our sign?”

Buffy nodded. “Yes, I really like the Old English script. It’s rustic and homey. Very inviting.”

“Good. Exactly what I was going for when I had it designed. I’m glad that was your first impression. But, the notice underneath… did you read it?”

“All who seek peace are welcome here.” Buffy stated.

“Exactly. Those who don't, well, they are NOT welcome, if you catch my meaning.” Sam winked at her and went to grab the drinks.

_Okay… so maybe there is some kind of enchantment on the place. Interesting._ She filed the information away to discuss with Giles later. 

As she fished some bills from her pocket, her eyes drifted towards the piano in the back. From the angle of the bar, she could see only part of the instrument. The player was hidden from view. The music was quiet and unobtrusive. It sounded like soft jazz. Mostly improvised. It was the perfect ambience for such a place. Not somewhere the Scoobies would want to hang out, but maybe Spike would… no, what was she thinking? If she asked him to hang out, he’d get the wrong idea. But he’d been so easy to talk to lately, and he was the only one who understood how she felt about coming back. She was comfortable with him. 

Sam returned with her drinks. He waved his hand at her offer of money. “Keep it. This first one’s on the house.” 

“Thank you, Sam.”

“You’re welcome, Buffy. It was good to meet you.” 

“You too, Sam!” She smiled a rare smile at the man. _I like him. I think we could be friends._

Sam moved to the other side of the bar to grab a couple of buckets of beer for the pool players. 

Buffy drained her water glass in three long gulps and left it on the bar. She sighed as she felt the icy liquid slide down her throat, cooling her from the inside out. She picked up the glass of Diet Coke and wandered towards a small table away from the other patrons. She turned her attention back to the piano. The music had changed since she walked in. The tempo had picked up a bit, but it was still very pleasant and soothing. She could get used to a place like this. She closed her eyes and relaxed for the first time all night. Halloween was supposed to be uneventful for the Slayer. Demons on the Hellmouth never seemed to get the memo. Add hormonal teenage sisters into the mix, and it was a recipe for disaster. The pool player finished gathering the buckets of beer from Sam and made his way back to his friends. 

As the man moved away from the bar, Buffy was able to see the piano player. She froze. Glass in hand, halfway to her mouth. The musician had his head turned to the side, and she could see the sharp angle of his cheekbone. If she had any doubt as to the identity of the piano man, the platinum hair was unmistakable. It was Spike. Buffy slumped down in her seat and slowly scooted it around so the only thing he might see if he looked her way was the curtain of hair she flipped over her shoulder. She hoped that was enough to keep him from recognizing her. She kept stealing glances at him, hoping he wouldn't look up and catch her staring. She was really enjoying listening to him play. She wondered why she didn't feel a vampire nearby. Maybe because she'd been spending so much time with Spike. Her Spikey senses were off. She giggled nervously to herself. She wondered why he never told her he played. But then, she never asked him about himself. She wondered what other secrets and hidden talents he had. She felt her cheeks flame as her mind wandered back to the Will Be Done spell and the kisses they’d shared. _Kissing was definitely a talent he possessed!_ She took a long swallow of soda to settle the deeply buried feelings of lust her thoughts had created.

Buffy continued to sneak glances at the vampire as he played but quickly looked down at the table when Spike stepped away from the piano after a particularly lively tune. She fiddled with her glass and made sure that her hair was completely over her face. Buffy heard Sam’s soft voice and a small snort of laughter from Spike as they spoke. She had to fight to keep her head bent over her drink. She told her feet to stay put. _What would be so bad if Spike knew I was here?_ She had no answer for herself as she continued to stare at her glass and watch small rivers of condensation drop slowly to the table. She twirled her finger in the puddle and watched the wet swirls slowly disappear as they evaporated. 

Things had been good between them lately. Friendly even. He was the only one she could talk to. Shs still wanted to hit him when he made snarky comments about her friends and defended Dawn's latest stupid decision. Maybe she simply wasn't in the mood to see him after Dawn's vampire date disaster… Not after that look… _What WAS that? Why did my eyes land on him when Dawn said I fell in love with a vampire?!_ Of course, Spike was looking at her when her eyes slipped in his direction. He was always looking at her. She’d gotten used to it. Well, mostly. It still made her uncomfortable. The intensity of his gaze frightened her. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, but it made her feel… something. She wasn’t sure what it was. It was hard for her to admit, but she liked having him around. Plus, she could always count on him in a fight. Their styles complemented each other. When they worked together, they were like a well-oiled machine. _Spike and oil… shirtless Spike with oil... _Buffy shook her head. _Where did THAT come from? _He was such a strange vampire. Didn't he know it was unnatural for a vampire and a human to be friends? Nevermind that she was the SLAYER. He claimed he loved her. _Pffft… as if! He can’t love: no soul… right?_ She thought of Drusilla. There was certainly something between the two of them. Probably just kinky vampire sire stuff… But, he stood up to Glory. It was a turning point for her. He’d nearly died to protect her sister. She looked at him differently after that day. They’d already started to become friends before she jumped. He took care of Dawn when she was in… the good place. He didn’t leave. He took care of her sister because of a promise he made to a dead girl. She remembered the look of shocked wonder on his face the first time he saw her when she returned. She remembered how tenderly he held her hands. How soft his voice was. How his hands shook as he began to tell her how long she’d been gone. She would never forget the sound of his voice when he said, "Hundred forty-seven days." Okay, maybe he had FEELINGS, but they couldn’t be love...____

____

____

The sound of the piano bench being pulled across the wooden floor made Buffy jump. She exhaled loudly and shook her head at herself. She didn’t realize how much tension she’d been holding in her small frame while Spike took his break. All because she was afraid he’d see her. _Then what, Buffy… ? What if he did see you? What’s the big deal?_

This time, when he started to play, the jazzy sound had been replaced by something more melodic. Buffy smiled and tilted her head, moving her hair to the side to give herself a more unobstructed view. 

Her eyes grew wide and her mouth formed a small O of surprise as he began to sing. _Spike can sing!? Wow, he can really sing... ___

____

____

_Look into my eyes  
You will see  
What you mean to me_

Buffy straightened so she could see him fully. The music rang through the bar and reverberated in her throat. She could feel his voice as he sang. It seemed as if he were directly next to her. Even the pool players had stopped their game to listen. His deep voice was filled with longing. Chills ran up her spine and the hair on her arms raised as she gaped at the vampire she thought she knew so well.

_Search your heart  
Search your soul  
And when you find me there  
You'll search no more_

The sound of Spike’s voice penetrated that place inside her heart. The one he seemed to be able to find when they were alone. Those times when she was lost and she had nothing to say and he said nothing back to her. Those perfect moments when he simply sat with her and offered her quiet strength with his presence. Those stolen moments of peace with her former enemy. That peaceful nothingness was perfect, but sometimes it made her want to run and hide. Now, sitting in this cozy bar, listening to her vampire sing, the deepest sorrows of her heart felt like they were being ripped open for the world to see. She was mesmerized by the words of the song and the man who sang them with such a plaintive mixture of hope and sadness. She turned in her chair and stared openly at him. 

_Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for  
You know it's true  
Everything I do_

Spike’s head lifted, and he locked eyes with Buffy before he sang the next line. 

_I do it for you_

Buffy’s heart began to beat faster as he continued to sing. Her vision started to blur. His gaze never wavered. He sang directly to her. She knew he meant every word. He chose this song for a reason. She knew it was for her. Her breathing became shallow. It felt like a vise was squeezing her chest. 

_Look into your heart  
You will find  
There's nothin' there to hide  
Take me as I am  
Take my life  
I would give it all  
I would sacrifice_

The tears which had been gathering on her lower lashes started to fall down her cheeks. They fell to the table, mixing with the small pool of condensation from her glass.

_Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for  
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more  
You know it's true  
Everything I do  
I do it for you_

She stood up so rapidly she knocked her chair over and ran from the bar.

Buffy stopped as the heavy door banged shut behind her. She could still hear Spike’s voice and the next lines of the song. She leaned against the side of the building with her hands on her knees willing her heart to stop racing. His voice flowed through the open window, impossibly louder than when she was inside. It wrapped itself around her like an embrace.

_There's no love  
Like your love  
And no other  
Could give more love  
There's nowhere  
Unless you're there  
All the time  
All the way, yeah_

A strangled cry broke from her throat. She stood up and ran home without stopping. She burst through the front door, not caring if it startled anyone awake, and raced to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and threw herself under the cold spray fully clothed. She leaned against the tile and let the water pound against her upturned face, washing away the tears which continued to fall. Her breathing gradually returned to normal. The tears stopped. 

She twisted the knob to allow some warmth to creep into the water. Buffy’s mind was blank as she peeled off her wet clothes and washed her hair. She scrubbed her body and turned off the tap. She squeezed the water from her clothes and threw them in the hamper, then wrapped a big fluffy towel around herself and another around her hair. 

Buffy stopped and put a hand on Dawn’s door. Reassured that her sister was still asleep, she continued to her bedroom.

She dropped the damp towels on her floor and dressed herself in her favorite yummy sushi pajamas. 

She crawled under the blankets and forced her eyes to close.

Spike sang to her.

She saw him at the piano, his eyes bright blue and full of… something.  
She felt a hard knot settle into her throat as her heart began to thump wildly in her chest again. She swallowed hard and forced herself to relax. He made her feel… it was what she wanted, right? To feel something more than the empty void of nothing she'd been living in. She wanted to feel.  
She wasn't ready.  
She remembered the song… the words… his voice…  
She tried to force her mind back to emptiness, back to nothing.  
Feelings hurt; they burned like fire.  
Nothing was easy.  
Nothing was safe.  
Spike wanted everything.  
She had nothing to give. 

Buffy squeezed her eyes shut, hoping for nothing to come. A lone tear slipped down her cheek and dropped onto her pillow as her breathing slowed and a dreamless sleep took her away from everything, back to nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> Everything I Do (I Do It For You) by Bryan Adams
> 
> Yes, the bar is named after the Winchester brothers, but it’s not really them.


End file.
